Dear Lola Miceymouse,
I imagine you had a hard night last night. Keeping a night job while trying to raise 12 little ones must be hard. Having to ingratiate yourself to your co-workers over a nice juicy slab of butter must have been difficult, I know 'cause I heard the arguing. The intense physical and mental demands on you to "bring home the bacon" must be overwhelming.
I am clearly sympathetic to your plight... but I must ask, and I know this will put a damper on your nightly objective, but please, please keep your career goals tightly focused in the kitchen. I must insist that you leave the bedroom alone. Ideally, I would love for you to find a new work place altogether and I will do everything in my power to diminish any positive reinforcement that you might get from my "company" (aka: my home).
I really hope this ends our correspondence and that you take into consideration my needs (mainly to sleep soundly knowing that I am safe from your scavenge). If this note does not sway you, I must inform you that I will be forced to take stronger action.
Thank you for your expedience with this troubling trend.
Regards,
Human who lives in the house
