16 Weeks old!

Hello Tater Tot,

You are crossing over into the fourth month of your life.  You have your 4 month old appointment next week with the Pediatrician where you will get another round of immunizations.  I don't think anyone is looking forward to that.... But more than anything it means that you are growing up!

You have changed a lot in the past four weeks.  You are a smiley guy and you talk a lot.  Your favorite word is "Owwww".  We sing and talk and you giggle when Mommy sings to you.  In fact, I used to sing to you when you ate, but now I can't do that because it makes you smile, which stops you from eating.  So we wait until after you have finished to break out into song.

It is toward the end of January, and we have had a pretty active month.  We traveled to Northern California to meet your Grandpa and visit with your Aunts.  We had a great time!  Once we got home, we continue to take our daily walks in Central Park, no matter how cold it is.  Noodles loves our walks outside and slowly but surely she is feeling better.

I am going back to work this week little Spud, and I am not thrilled to be leaving you.  Your Daddy is going to stay home with you for two weeks and then you will enter the world of Day Care beginning in February. More on that later little guy.

We love you so much little Tot... Everyday is an adventure and we love being on this journey with you.

xo,

Mommy

* This post is seriously late... might have something to do with the fact that I went back to work.  More on that later. 

4 Weeks Old * post delayed a week

Dear little Tater Tot,

This week you are 4 weeks old.  I am amazed by that, since I am supposed to be 37 weeks pregnant right now!  You were born at week 33, which means you were born almost 7 weeks early! Your Daddy and I are so thrilled that you are here though.  We have had quite a whirlwind in the past 28 days.  You have grown so much but are giving us a crash course in preemie care.  You came home from the NICU after 17 days and the doctors and NICU nurses wished you well and said that you were a healthy little boy.

You took your first car service ride home from the hospital. Your Daddy and I don't have a car because you don't need one when you live in Manhattan, so we had to call a car service to take you home.  It was terrifying and fun at the same time.  We bundled you up and covered you in a beautiful blanket that Auntie Jennifer made for you.  When we got you home, we set you down and stared and you.  "Now what?" we both thought.  We decided to introduce you to Noodles.  She is our fur baby, and she thought we had brought her home a squeaky toy... and well, when we bring home squeaky toys for her, she tries to extract the squeaker, so we were a little nervous about her reaction.  But within a few days she figured out you were part of the pack and has been a little angel.  She just wants to sniff and lick your head.

We had to delay this post a bit because on your one month birthday, we had to begin preparations for what people were calling "frankenstorm".  Hurricane Sandy had made its way up the east coast and hit our area on Monday night.  Your Aunt Jan was here in New York City to meet you, and then she got stranded here because of the storm.  But we were unscathed during the storm and you were none the wiser.  There is a lot of devastation here in New York, and we wish there was more we could do to help the people suffering because of the storm, but you are the center of our world right now buddy.

Aunt Jan is the first relative you have met!  She helped me so much and it was just nice to have her here to meet you and lend a hand.  We were stuck in the apartment for a good portion of her visit, but since our goal was just to hang out with you, it seemed like a fine time.

I can't believe how big you have gotten in such a short time.  You are eating like a CHAMPION. You are very clear with your needs and let us know when you are hungry, but you are also a very agreeable guy and are very easy going at the same time.

I love you so much buddy... I think I am still in shock that you are already here, I feel a bit unprepared for you, but you are such an amazing little guy and I am learning so much from you!

xo,

Mommy

Letter to My 20 Year Old Self

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June 22, 2010

Dear 20 year old self,

You just passed your 39th Birthday yesterday, and yes, it is old. But it is so much better than you imagined. I know getting old scares you since Mom only passed away a year ago at age 49, and you aren’t sure you will live to see 40, but you are almost there and life is good!

I know life seems impossible right now, and sadly, that feeling is going to last quite a bit longer, but I promise things will start to look better very soon! Finding the theatre department in college was a great decision and even though you aren’t sure you can make it as a professional actor, don’t worry, it doesn’t really matter. You will learn as life goes on that what you do for a living does not define you, but just gives you something interesting to talk about at parties. And really, nobody cares what you do; they aren’t really listening at parties anyway! Getting the degree in English as something to “fall back on” was a bit silly, but your reasoning was sound at the time and it made your Dad proud that you have two bachelors. But more on your career in a minute.

So many great things are about to happen to you… but a lot of bad things are too. You will feel lonely, you will be dumped by multiple boyfriends and you will be shocked at how terrible people can be. But you will also see such kindness and love, and quite frankly, all of these things will shape who you are going to become, and that person is pretty happy, so try not to sweat the small stuff and move on.

Going to Grad School for Theatre was a good decision. There will be times in your 30’s where you will question this as you look at your debt and wonder how it got that big. But the Grad School thing is good… not because you learn anything, although you do, and not because it will help you get a job, because it won’t. It will prove to be a good decision because you meet a boy who will help get you to New York City. And no, this boy is NOT the one, but you will already know that deep down. But going to New York will teach you so much about yourself and how strong you are! You will meet amazing people and you will grow so much! You will also have heart ache and loneliness as well, but that is just a part of life! New York will change you in the best ways, trust me!

Now, as for some things you will think are mistakes, but I am here to tell you they weren’t:

1) Painting your walls yellow late at night and then crying for days after your 6 year relationship ended was a fine decision. Yellow is a good happy color and that act help separate you from him and claim your tiny studio apartment as your own. Don’t worry, landlords always paint over it!

2) Moving to NY with nothing but your luggage helped you find your husband. No it didn’t happen right away, in fact it took 7 years in the city before stumbling upon him, but it is so worth it.

3) Changing jobs often, temping in offices and waitressing is awesome. You meet a lot of people and you learn about yourself. Yes, you will be told time and time again that it doesn’t look good on your resume, but don’t listen to those people, you can do whatever you set your mind to!!!

4) Giving Petunia back to the shelter was your only option. You really did try everything, but she was a troubled cat and although you loved her, she couldn’t stop herself from wanting to rip your eyes out. You will feel a lot of guilt about this and others will judge as well, but you will know the truth.

This is important… It is never wrong to share and open up. They teach you to share in Kindergarten, but somewhere along the way, you feel like it isn’t safe to share. It really is ok… share your feelings, share your make up, share your clothes, and share your heart! If you feel like you’ve said too much, quit worrying about it, there is no harm in being vulnerable, in fact it makes you strong. You learn this lesson on stage, and in fact teach it to your students, so try to incorporate that in your life more. Go ahead and share and be damned those that judge you!

Oh, and stop being so concerned about your chest. Yes, it is large… and you will really love that later in life when you finally just come to terms with your body. Walk tall, no need to hunch over! Oh, and start running earlier… you don’t start until your late 30’s and you love it! Nope, you are wrong; you CAN run with a big chest!

I know your 20’s are hard, and unfortunately your 30’s don’t get easy per say, but you will learn to be ok with that. You are an incredibly strong person and you have a very loving family who is very supportive and proud of you. Don’t rush finding the right husband, he is out there and when you meet him, amazingly you will know very quickly that he is the one, and he is wonderful. When he holds you and looks into your eyes, things will feel still and quiet and that is a good thing.

Relax, take more long deep breaths and just know that life is a fun journey and try harder to live in the now. Your past is important and helps define you, and yes, looking toward the future and planning can help organize your thoughts that sometimes feel out of control, but I challenge you to stop and just be in the present from time to time… a very wise husband will teach you how to do this, but you can start trying anytime!

Love,

39 year old Jill

Inspired to write by Cassie Boorn